Re Booting my life

I've been reading through all my old posts on facebook and gosh!! Me lord, I am so negative!! No wonder I’m currently in a depression and stressing funk. I am trying to make a conscious effort to think positively and to try to bring the laws of attraction into my life. The worst -I don't have any desire to (in the future) form a family, make money, get a house, work etc.

How much I missed way back when in Kuala Lumpur. Here in Bintulu, don't have a lot of friends, and the few I do have I share almost nothing in common with; when we hang out, I can never relate to what they are saying, nor they to what I say. I have no one to "hang out" with. In fact I do nothing but sit around the house all day doing the occasional watching TV and sleeping all day during my weekend. I used to play PS2 and Stronghold Crusader for most of my free time but it's lost my interest recently, and I have little else that makes me happy.

I've also felt myself becoming bitter. I'm a lot harsher on people now than I used to be, or at least I'm motivated to act that way for some reason.

However, I feel that life is here to give me stress, annoyance, boredom, solitude, and work before finally killing me off. I see it as schooling > work > pay the bills > work > pay the bills, and so on. That is not worth living for.
This time next year I will be in a much better place. The journey shall begin and I intend to use this blog to record it and to inspire myself whenever i'm feeling low!!

Is there something other people see in life that I don't?Al Vida and Enjoy your life...

We knew We Had No Chance.

In a nutshell then when I met someone during my holiday in Kuala Lumpur last September 2011, but I think this was completely different because it just for play play la. Just to make the story short. We in chat line accidentally back that night sometime.
It quite some time I dint dating someone since break up with my last relationship. Frankly, surprised that someone would ever want to go on a date with me. Hahahahaha….even I’m still cute at my 29 year old.  

In such a situations I do feel it is almost unavoidable for something more to happen than just dating. Of course will make me uncomfortable. This is different than if you meet someone at a disco, let's say, you go on a date and if it doesn't work out you can't just leave the person, you feel you have to explain or make something up. It took even longer in an effort to look half decent at the first place; my very worst past experienced date someone was with my first love back time. Safe to say, I don’t learn my lesson easily. Thank God, everything just fine….yuhuuu..Well it just a date no feeling2x ok. Since both of us currently already have a relationship. Oh god I feel bad to my partner but nothing just happen. No hard feeling ok.

If it is not yet obvious, I'm not looking for a partner and especially a love on the internet or first date as I've been going steady with the same fellow for close to 5 years. It is a long time and we still love each other very much for me but not sure about the other fellow. Unfortunately, in relationship sometime there were times when my passing emotional affairs from the net spilled into the relationship and caused problems but I overcame them. Yeah, I'm still loyal to my partner. That too proves that we have a strong relationship and despite of problems we are still together. Luckily my partner is not jealous and doesn't mind that I have my own life. Understanding in relationship and that is something very important to me as I love my independence.

Back to my story with that fellow. We decide to be a good friend and do keep in touch. If for some reason we could not meet then there would be chat in the internet. Yeah, on the internet we behaved as though we were going together, but we both knew that because of the distance between us we did not have a chance. It make more impossible since we both already have a commitment and relationship and I don’t want to be the third party. So the other fellow i think.

Despite this, we both feel we would be a couple if it weren't for the distance and we still commit with current relationship. We spoke on over the internet and conversation also and if we were completely honest with each other, we had to admit that we both spent a lot of time thinking of the other, regardless of the fact that we each have other "real" commitments as a friend or scandal maybe? Hahaha..no la..just joking yet hope so..kakkakaka...I can feel what feeling inside me but the other fellow?..I think the most important sense for everyone is to feel they belong somewhere to someone.

We are tentatively planning that perhaps we would meet in future, but that is far ahead in the future.



Al Vida and Warms Regard.